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You’ve just left the negotiation table, and you know it went well – it’s in the bag! Except it’s not, and later it turns out that the deal is dead. Confidence is a critical quality in strong negotiators, but too much can cloud your judgment. Consider the steps below to rein it in and ensure your confidence is an asset, not a liability.

Embrace the unknown. Sure, you’re a great negotiator, you did your research, and you’re feeling completely prepared for your negotiation. This may be true, but try thinking objectively – a smart negotiator accepts that uncertainty will always be a fundamental part of any negotiation. Acknowledge that no matter your skill, you can never perfectly predict an outcome. You’ll be more willing to propose (and accept) mutually beneficial compromises, and you’ll be a better negotiator for it.

Play devil’s advocate. Before a difficult negotiation, find someone whose opinion you trust (it doesn’t have to be a colleague) and get their opinion on your approach. When you’re in the thick of researching for an upcoming meeting, you might be in too deep to realize something obvious. An outside observer could provide some critical advice, and maybe deflate your ego a bit (all in the interest of personal growth, of course).

Accept your faults. A healthy amount of humility would do us all some good. Before any negotiation, be sure to look not only for things that can work to your advantage; take the time to look into factors that could work against you and use it as an opportunity to come up with solutions. Do you have a tendency to talk over your opponent, causing them to get aggravated and raise their voice? Are you prone to stick too firmly to your convictions, bringing the meeting to a halt because no one will budge? Take a hard look at your negotiating tactics and prepare some resolutions before your next meeting. You may even find a way to work a fault to your advantage.

Confidence is the bread and butter of any negotiator – after all, how could you get anything done without it? None of us are perfect, however, and you’d be wise to use some of these techniques if you find that your deals keep hitting roadblocks. Confidence is only one of the tools in your arsenal, and you should hone it just as you would any other skill.

Ever negotiate a deal and happily put it to bed, only to have to revisit it months or years later? Every negotiator has ended up with an agreement that no longer suits their needs, or their adversary’s, and must go back to the table to turn the lopsided deal right again. But the dynamics of renegotiation aren’t the same as negotiating for the first time, and renegotiating what you thought was a done deal comes with its own set of pressures. Read on for tips on renegotiating effectively.

1. Identify the key issues: Are you the party initiating the renegotiation? Before approaching the other parties, make sure you have a clear idea of what is wrong with the current contract. Look at the role each party plays in causing the problem and how everyone, not just you, is affected by it. Then decide which issues are most important. You may not be able to resolve everything. Plan to address your biggest problem first. On the receiving end of a renegotiation request? Analyze and understand what’s critical to the other side, what points you can’t budge on, and where you may have some room to negotiate. Decide if it’s worth giving a little to avoid the deal falling apart – or if it isn’t.
2. Propose a renegotiation: If you’re the party seeking the renegotiation, once you’ve identified the issues, confront all parties involved and actually propose a renegotiation. Clearly articulate why you view components of the contract – or results that came out of the contract – as problems, and back that up with convincing evidence. Odds are that the opposing side will be willing to sit down and consider alternatives. Most people have a desire to be fair, especially if you’re able to back up your claims with evidence – and even if they’re not feeling charitable, they may choose renegotiation over an expensive lawsuit.
3. Understand the dynamics: Negotiations for new business deals are often positive, with the parties sharing an optimistic view of the deal’s potential. But renegotiation often takes place somewhere between dashed expectations and the threat – or actual filing – of a lawsuit. Understand that the same negotiation strategies you employed the first time around may not be the right choice now, and that you and your adversary know more about each other than before. This reality can be either a curse (you let your adversary exploit what they know to their own advantage) or a blessing (here’s an opportunity for you to use what you learned during the first go-round to get a more advantageous deal). 
4. Create value: A gain for you doesn’t need to be a loss for them – it’s in your best interest to provide some benefit to the opposing party in your proposed resolution. You’ll accomplish nothing if you both enter the renegotiation unwilling to give an inch. Create an atmosphere of cooperation and see how you can come to at least a win-not-lose solution.
5. Take your time: With urgent problems, it’s common for negotiators to push for a quick fix to alleviate the stress. But the flawless plan you negotiate today may not work for you three years from now. (Isn’t that why you’re at the renegotiation table in the first place?) Take the time to consider negotiating shorter-term deals that will allow for natural breaks for renegotiation. Both parties can come back to the negotiation table and discuss what works for their businesses after the short contract concludes.

Whether you want to renegotiate because your original plan has unintended consequences, or you just want to see if you can get more out of your deal, keeping the above tips in mind will help your renegotiation plan succeed.

The Chinese general and military strategist Sun Tzu famously wrote that the “supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” Using empathy at the negotiation table is the modern-day embodiment of this strategy. 

A fundamental human need is to feel accepted, validated, and understood by others. This reality means that negotiation strategy is really about psychology. To get from Point A to Point B, the skilled negotiator must exploit psychological principles – and this means empathy must play a role.

Many negotiators view empathy and sympathy interchangeably, and dismiss both as weak. Don’t confuse empathy with sympathy! The difference is subtle but critical. Listen for the difference:

• Sympathy: “I understand how you feel. I feel terrible for you.”
• Empathy: “I understand how you feel, and I understand why you feel that way.”

What’s the difference? Merriam-Webster defines sympathy as the “inclination to think or feel alike,” a “feeling of loyalty,” and the “tendency to favor or support” – in essence, agreement. Sympathy almost never has a place at the negotiation table. In the negotiation of a business deal or at settlement discussions, few clients would want to hear their lawyer say to their adversary, “I get it – I agree it’s terrible what you went through. So here’s the check you asked for.” The sympathetic negotiator may not be much of a negotiator.

But the empathetic negotiator approaches things differently. Consider the Merriam-Webster definition of empathy: “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings thoughts, and experience of another.” The use of “vicariously” is critical here: unlike the sympathetic negotiator, the empathetic negotiator understands her adversary’s position, but doesn’t actually experience it or necessarily agree with it. Instead, she uses empathy to let the adversary know that she hears and understands him. By tuning into her adversary’s emotions instead of just the words, the empathetic negotiator shows that she “gets it,” which helps the adversary open up and share additional information that the empathetic negotiator can use to her advantage. Think, “I get it – I understand why you feel that way. So what if we…”

Think how much more effective a negotiator you can be if you understand what’s important to your opponent and the factors that got him there. Rather than taking a shot in the dark about what might work or keeping the focus solely on you (or your client), when you understand your adversary and use his own views to shape the conversation, you can strategize around that and go a lot further, a lot faster. 

Too many negotiators are hell-bent on appearing authoritative, unflinching – like the “tough guy,” willfully ignorant of the forces shaping the other side. But that’s an incredibly weak negotiation strategy. Using empathy as a tool to make your adversary keep talking and feel comfortable is key to letting the other side get what you want.