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The Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy in Negotiation (And Why It Matters)

Posted: November 25th, 2019

By: Joe Campolo, Esq. email

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The Chinese general and military strategist Sun Tzu famously wrote that the “supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” Using empathy at the negotiation table is the modern-day embodiment of this strategy. 

A fundamental human need is to feel accepted, validated, and understood by others. This reality means that negotiation strategy is really about psychology. To get from Point A to Point B, the skilled negotiator must exploit psychological principles – and this means empathy must play a role.

Many negotiators view empathy and sympathy interchangeably, and dismiss both as weak. Don’t confuse empathy with sympathy! The difference is subtle but critical. Listen for the difference:

  • Sympathy: “I understand how you feel. I feel terrible for you.”
  • Empathy: “I understand how you feel, and I understand why you feel that way.”

What’s the difference? Merriam-Webster defines sympathy as the “inclination to think or feel alike,” a “feeling of loyalty,” and the “tendency to favor or support” – in essence, agreement. Sympathy almost never has a place at the negotiation table. In the negotiation of a business deal or at settlement discussions, few clients would want to hear their lawyer say to their adversary, “I get it – I agree it’s terrible what you went through. So here’s the check you asked for.” The sympathetic negotiator may not be much of a negotiator.

But the empathetic negotiator approaches things differently. Consider the Merriam-Webster definition of empathy: “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings thoughts, and experience of another.” The use of “vicariously” is critical here: unlike the sympathetic negotiator, the empathetic negotiator understands her adversary’s position, but doesn’t actually experience it or necessarily agree with it. Instead, she uses empathy to let the adversary know that she hears and understands him. By tuning into her adversary’s emotions instead of just the words, the empathetic negotiator shows that she “gets it,” which helps the adversary open up and share additional information that the empathetic negotiator can use to her advantage. Think, “I get it – I understand why you feel that way. So what if we…”

Think how much more effective a negotiator you can be if you understand what’s important to your opponent and the factors that got him there. Rather than taking a shot in the dark about what might work or keeping the focus solely on you (or your client), when you understand your adversary and use his own views to shape the conversation, you can strategize around that and go a lot further, a lot faster. 

Too many negotiators are hell-bent on appearing authoritative, unflinching – like the “tough guy,” willfully ignorant of the forces shaping the other side. But that’s an incredibly weak negotiation strategy. Using empathy as a tool to make your adversary keep talking and feel comfortable is key to letting the other side get what you want.

Campolo’s Interview of LI Business Leaders Makes Headlines in “Service Begins at the Top”

Posted: November 24th, 2019

By Bernadette Starzee

East/West Industries in Ronkonkoma makes aircraft seats and safety equipment for the aerospace and defense industry. Founded in 1968 by Dom and Mary Spinosa, the company is now led by their daughter, Teresa Ferraro.

“My parents never pushed me to join the family business, and I originally went into banking. But they asked me to help out one day because they were having a special event with two VIPs,” said Ferraro, speaking at HIA-LI’s recent “Get in the Head of the CEO” event.

She showed up not knowing what to expect. It turned out the two VIPs were a military pilot and copilot who had to eject from their aircraft.

“Our equipment saved their lives, and they wanted to shake the hands of every single employee,” said Ferraro, who was inspired by this event to join the family business.

Ferraro was one of the CEO event’s five panelists, who were chosen because their companies won 2019 Business Achievement Awards from HIA-LI, which looks at a number of factors, from revenue and profitability to employee engagement to community involvement and vision for the future, and performs interviews and in some cases site visits with finalists before choosing the winners.

“We decided to hold this panel discussion because you told us you wanted to get up and close and personal and understand the Business Achievement Awards winners better,” Terri Alessi-Miceli, president and CEO of HIA-LI, told the CEO event attendees, many of them affiliated with the 1,300 businesses represented by the trade group.

East/West Industries received the Business Achievement Award in the small business category (for companies with 100 or fewer employees). The company expanded in 2017 to a facility that was 50 percent larger than its previous offices and is in the midst of a three-year plan to expand its workforce by 40 percent, including a program to aggressively recruit veterans.

The award winner in the large business category was Ronkonkoma-based SUNation Solar Systems, which has installed more than 4,000 solar electric systems on Long Island since its inception in 2003. SUNation’s CEO and Co- Founder Scott Maskin was on the panel, as was Bobbianne Ng, chief financial officer for Dominican Village Independent and Assisted Living Communities in Amityville, which was awarded the nonprofit award. The panel also included Felicia Telep, director of operations and marketing for Pure Mammography, a two-year-old provider of screening mammography in a spa-like atmosphere at the Smith Haven Mall in Lake Grove, which HIA-LI named rookie of the year. Deborah Schiff, executive vice president of ambulatory strategy and business development for Northwell Health, rounded out the panel.

The New Hyde Park-based healthcare system, which is New York State’s largest private employer, was presented with a special leadership award at HIA-LI’s Business Achievement Awards.

Ferraro reminisced about how when she first joined East/West Industries 36 years ago, she wasn’t welcomed with open arms by everyone.

“Engineering, manufacturing and the military are very male-dominated industries, and, oh yeah, I was the boss’s daughter,” she said.

Her father served as her mentor, teaching her that to be successful, she needed to engage with people and listen to them.

By being a good listener, Ferraro said she was able to gain the respect of the team as she took on increasing responsibility.

“It’s not about Teresa Ferraro, it’s about the entire East/West family,” she said. “I often think back to the pilots who wanted to thank not just the president or the engineer, but every employee. Every single member of the East/West team is important.”

Schiff, too, spoke about the importance of listening.

In her role at Northwell Health, Schiff is focused on building an ambulatory network to manage the healthcare of the region.

“Every day is a new opportunity to keep my mouth shut and listen to the needs of customers and employees,” she said.

The importance of serving both customers and employees was an important part of the discussion.

“There is a common theme among the panelists,” observed Joe Campolo, managing partner of Ronkonkoma-based law firm Campolo, Middleton & McCormick, who served as moderator for the discussion. “Nobody is talking about ‘I’ or ‘me.’ Everyone here is talking about how what we do is part of a much broader mission. Successful organizations realize that as long as they are doing right by their customers, everything else will follow.”

During meetings at Dominican Village, “for any idea that we discuss, we discuss the impact it will have on our mission,” Ng said. “We want our residents to feel that this is their home, and for them to get the care they need and get to do what they enjoy.”

Ng spoke about the importance of employee satisfaction to customer service.

“If employees are happier, the residents are going to be happier,” she said. “We’re all there to serve our residents, whether we’re the dishwasher or we work in billing or marketing. If our CEO is running late for a meeting, and he’s stopped by a housekeeper, he will sit with that person to address whatever it is they need to discuss. We make sure our employees feel part of the family, and make sure each person knows their function is not just their job title, and that there is room for growth.”

Part of Maskin’s role at SUNation Solar is to serve as “chief fun officer” and to make sure every employee feels fulfilled and thrives at work.

“Our company has personality, and our team buys into the personality and our mission to do right by our customers,” Maskin said, adding that this has helped the company’s business become 65 percent referral-driven.

“Of every 100 customers, 65 come from referrals, so our cost of lead acquisition is very low,” he said.

Pure Mammography has a kiosk in the Smith Haven Mall, where the company educates people about mammography and breast health. The company, which Telep said has plans to expand to eight additional locations in 2020, seeks to make mammograms hassle-free, convenient and relaxing so that more women will choose to get them done. The mammography suite is serene and has a spa-like feeling, with TV screens with beach and mountain views, a coffee and tea bar and caring staff, Telep said.

“We want customers to feel like guests, not patients,” Telep said.

Read more here.

Basso to Be Honored as a “Leader in Law”

Posted: November 20th, 2019

CMM is proud to announce that Partner Jeffrey Basso has been recognized with a Leadership in Law Award.

The Leadership in Law Awards recognize individuals whose leadership has had a positive impact on the legal profession and the Long Island community. Basso will receive his award at a ceremony on November 21, 2019 at Crest Hollow Country Club.

Basso will be honored in the Partner category in recognition of his leadership in handling client matters, managing CMM’s litigation department, and mentoring other attorneys at the firm.

An aggressive litigator, Basso has vast experience prosecuting and defending matters on behalf of business owners, corporations, corporate officers, shareholders, and investors in a variety of commercial litigation matters. He is also experienced in representing clients in business divorce matters, including the negotiation of creative strategies to divide assets, and has earned a professional certificate from the prestigious National Institute for Trial Advocacy (NITA) for trial skills. Basso also manages CMM’s busy litigation department, appropriately staffing matters in the most efficient way possible while also directing litigation strategy.

A leader early in his career, Basso received the Leadership in Law Award in the Associate category in 2015 in recognition of his work ethic and the example he sets for others at the firm. Many attorneys at CMM, across all practice areas, seek him out as a mentor for his ability to offer guidance while also pushing them to grow as lawyers.

Campolo Moderates HIA-LI CEO Forum Featuring Steve Tiffen

Posted: November 19th, 2019

Event Date: December 5th, 2019

Join us to learn from Steve Tiffen, President & CEO of The Tiffen Company, a leading US manufacturer. CMM Managing Partner Joe Campolo, known for being a skillful interviewer, will discuss Tiffen’s business success stories and lessons learned at the helm. The Tiffen Company has been awarded multiple Oscar and EMMY awards, and the company was the recipient of the 2010 HIA-LI Large Business Achievement Award.

Thursday, December 5, 2019
8:30 – 9:00 AM – Check in & networking
9:00 – 10:30 AM – Event program
CMM Academy Training Room, 4175 Veterans Memorial Highway, Third Floor, Ronkonkoma
Tickets are $35 for HIA-LI members, $50 for non HIA-LI members. Register here.

Legal Issues Surrounding Workplace Bullying

Posted: November 18th, 2019

Published In: The Suffolk Lawyer

According to a 2017 Workplace Bullying Institute survey, 19 percent of workers had experienced bullying in the workplace and another 19 percent had witnessed it. Applied to the total workforce, these percentages translate to about 60 million workers.[1] The #MeToo movement has brought renewed attention to the alarming prevalence of sexual harassment and assault, causing many employers to revisit their anti-sexual harassment policies and procedures. Employers should also take this opportunity to examine their workplace anti-bullying policies – or create them in the first place – as workplace bullying is unfortunately also not an uncommon problem.

Workplace bullying can be defined as persistent, malicious, unwelcome, severe and pervasive mistreatment that harms, intimidates, offends, degrades or humiliates an employee, whether verbal, physical or otherwise, at the place of work or in the course of employment. Unlike workplace anti-sexual harassment policies, companies are usually not required by law to have anti-bulling policies – but they would be wise to, so when issues inevitably arise, there are clear guidelines that leave little room for confusion, interpretation, and disagreement.

A complete anti-bullying policy contains five elements: (1) definition; (2) examples; (3) reporting procedure; (4) investigation procedure; and (5) disciplinary action.

Definition

In addition to the description above, workplace bullying can also be defined more generally as any words or actions that make an employee feel uncomfortable, threatened, or intimidated, or that interfere with others’ work or prevent work from getting done.

Examples

It is important for employers to provide concrete examples of workplace bullying to eliminate confusion and be as clear as possible in an effort to maintain the integrity of the policy. The list of examples should address issues such as: name-calling; persistent phone calls, emails, or other communications; unreasonable public criticism; exclusion from meetings or social situations; destructive gossip/rumors; intentional interference or sabotage of one’s work; stalking; etc. There are endless potential forms of bullying, and any list of examples should include a disclaimer that the list is merely illustrative and not exhaustive.

Reporting Procedure

Reporting procedures should generally follow that of the company’s anti-sexual harassment policy, with a clear indication that employees may report directly to HR rather than their immediate supervisor.  This is important because workplace bullying can be perpetrated by supervisors as well.[2]  It is also important that employees understand that they are encouraged to report bullying and abusive behavior as soon as it occurs.

Investigation Procedure

The investigation of any reports must be carried out confidentially and in a timely manner. The investigating supervisor should request written statements from the victim/target, the accused “bully” and any witnesses. All statements, meetings and events should be documented. The policy must clearly state that any form of retaliation against the reporting employee during or after the investigation is strictly prohibited.

Disciplinary Action

If behavior in violation of the policy has been found to have occurred, then depending on its severity, the employee may be given an opportunity to change course. Employers should consider an “action plan” with specific goals and check-ins, or requiring an apology, counseling, and training (or both). Further, the policy should make it clear that egregious behavior may result in immediate termination, without a chance for reversal.

All employees should be made to understand that management wants to see all employees succeed, and that bullying co-workers is bad for the workplace as a whole, and the offender’s career as well. 

Training and Awareness

While having a policy is critical, if employees don’t understand it, it will be ineffective. It is imperative that every employee is aware of and understands the company’s anti-bullying policy. This can be done through periodic training and by making the policy constantly visible (e.g., with a poster) and easily accessible. Bullying diminishes employee morale, and preventing and addressing it results in a safer, happier, and more productive workplace.

Please contact us with any questions about your particular policy or for assistance drafting policies for your workplace.


[1] https://www.workplacebullying.org/2017-prevalence/

[2] https://www.workplacebullying.org/wbiresearch/wbi-2017-survey/

Middleton Invited by NYSBA to Share Insights on Alternative Dispute Resolution in Construction Cases

Posted: November 14th, 2019

Event Date: December 11th, 2019

Litigating construction site accidents can be daunting without knowing the right techniques. In this program, CMM Senior Partner Scott Middleton will demonstrate effective trial techniques while updating you on the latest statutory and case law changes. Get practical tips from seasoned attorneys on investigations, depositions, and motions for summary judgment, and learn the dynamics of the carrier/defendant relationship. New and experienced practitioners alike will benefit from this seminar’s coverage of all the major aspects of a labor law trial.

Who Should Attend
Personal injury attorneys, both plaintiff and defense; liability insurance carrier’s in-house counsel; workers’ compensation attorneys; municipal attorneys; attorneys for construction companies, general contractors and sub-contractors.

Sponsored by the Torts, Insurance & Compensation Law Section (TICL) and the Committee on Continuing Legal Education of the New York State Bar Association

Wednesday, December 11 | 9:00 a.m. – 4:30 p.m. 
NYSBA: 1 Elk Street, Albany, NY 12207

7.0 MCLE Credits: 2.0 Skills; 4.0 Areas of Professional Practice, 1.0 Ethics

NYSBA Members: $175 | Non-member: $275
Torts, Insurance and Compensation Law Section: $150

Register here.

CMM to be Honored by Family Service League at “Great Chefs of Long Island”

Posted: November 13th, 2019

Event Date: November 18th, 2019

Campolo, Middleton & McCormick will be honored by Family Service League (FSL) at their upcoming gala. CMM will receive the Corporate Leadership Award in recognition of our support and commitment to giving back to our neighbors in need through CMM Cares

The evening features many of Long Island’s favorite restaurants from Long Beach to the Hamptons. Master Chefs present their best fare for an evening of signature dishes and decadent delicacies. There will be a large selection of wines and spirits to compliment this extraordinary tasting experience. In addition, guests will be able to shop for unique designer gifts and luxury services at the auction.

Monday, November 18, 2019
5:30 – 9:00 p.m.
Crest Hollow Country Club, 8325 Jericho Turnpike, Woodbury, NY 11797
Tickets are $225, and sponsorships are available. Click here to learn more.

CMM Hosts HIA-LI Information Meeting for New Members

Posted: November 13th, 2019

Event Date: November 15th, 2019

HIA-LI will host a meeting for new members to their organization to help them maximize the benefits of membership. Hear about their action-oriented committees and how you can get involved. HIA-LI is a great tool for the business community, and CMM is proud to both be a part of the organization as well as advocate for them.

Event details:
Friday, November 15, 2019
8:30 a.m.: Check in and networking
9:00 – 10:00 a.m.: Event program

Location: Campolo, Middleton & McCormick, 4175 Veterans Memorial Highway, Ronkonkoma, NY
Admission is complimentary but registration is required. Register here.

Campolo Inducted into Long Island Business Hall of Fame

Posted: November 12th, 2019

CMM Managing Partner Joe Campolo was inducted into the Long Island Business Hall of Fame on November 7, 2019. This prestigious awards program honors the most influential leaders in the business community. Induction into the Hall of Fame is a high honor reserved for Long Island leaders who demonstrate a commitment to excellence. Check out some of the photos from the event below. You can also view Joe’s remarks from the ceremony here and read the full press release here.