Category: Insights on Home Page

You’ve just left the negotiation table, and you know it went well – it’s in the bag! Except it’s not, and later it turns out that the deal is dead. Confidence is a critical quality in strong negotiators, but too much can cloud your judgment. Consider the steps below to rein it in and ensure your confidence is an asset, not a liability.

Embrace the unknown. Sure, you’re a great negotiator, you did your research, and you’re feeling completely prepared for your negotiation. This may be true, but try thinking objectively – a smart negotiator accepts that uncertainty will always be a fundamental part of any negotiation. Acknowledge that no matter your skill, you can never perfectly predict an outcome. You’ll be more willing to propose (and accept) mutually beneficial compromises, and you’ll be a better negotiator for it.

Play devil’s advocate. Before a difficult negotiation, find someone whose opinion you trust (it doesn’t have to be a colleague) and get their opinion on your approach. When you’re in the thick of researching for an upcoming meeting, you might be in too deep to realize something obvious. An outside observer could provide some critical advice, and maybe deflate your ego a bit (all in the interest of personal growth, of course).

Accept your faults. A healthy amount of humility would do us all some good. Before any negotiation, be sure to look not only for things that can work to your advantage; take the time to look into factors that could work against you and use it as an opportunity to come up with solutions. Do you have a tendency to talk over your opponent, causing them to get aggravated and raise their voice? Are you prone to stick too firmly to your convictions, bringing the meeting to a halt because no one will budge? Take a hard look at your negotiating tactics and prepare some resolutions before your next meeting. You may even find a way to work a fault to your advantage.

Confidence is the bread and butter of any negotiator – after all, how could you get anything done without it? None of us are perfect, however, and you’d be wise to use some of these techniques if you find that your deals keep hitting roadblocks. Confidence is only one of the tools in your arsenal, and you should hone it just as you would any other skill.

Ever negotiate a deal and happily put it to bed, only to have to revisit it months or years later? Every negotiator has ended up with an agreement that no longer suits their needs, or their adversary’s, and must go back to the table to turn the lopsided deal right again. But the dynamics of renegotiation aren’t the same as negotiating for the first time, and renegotiating what you thought was a done deal comes with its own set of pressures. Read on for tips on renegotiating effectively.

1. Identify the key issues: Are you the party initiating the renegotiation? Before approaching the other parties, make sure you have a clear idea of what is wrong with the current contract. Look at the role each party plays in causing the problem and how everyone, not just you, is affected by it. Then decide which issues are most important. You may not be able to resolve everything. Plan to address your biggest problem first. On the receiving end of a renegotiation request? Analyze and understand what’s critical to the other side, what points you can’t budge on, and where you may have some room to negotiate. Decide if it’s worth giving a little to avoid the deal falling apart – or if it isn’t.
2. Propose a renegotiation: If you’re the party seeking the renegotiation, once you’ve identified the issues, confront all parties involved and actually propose a renegotiation. Clearly articulate why you view components of the contract – or results that came out of the contract – as problems, and back that up with convincing evidence. Odds are that the opposing side will be willing to sit down and consider alternatives. Most people have a desire to be fair, especially if you’re able to back up your claims with evidence – and even if they’re not feeling charitable, they may choose renegotiation over an expensive lawsuit.
3. Understand the dynamics: Negotiations for new business deals are often positive, with the parties sharing an optimistic view of the deal’s potential. But renegotiation often takes place somewhere between dashed expectations and the threat – or actual filing – of a lawsuit. Understand that the same negotiation strategies you employed the first time around may not be the right choice now, and that you and your adversary know more about each other than before. This reality can be either a curse (you let your adversary exploit what they know to their own advantage) or a blessing (here’s an opportunity for you to use what you learned during the first go-round to get a more advantageous deal). 
4. Create value: A gain for you doesn’t need to be a loss for them – it’s in your best interest to provide some benefit to the opposing party in your proposed resolution. You’ll accomplish nothing if you both enter the renegotiation unwilling to give an inch. Create an atmosphere of cooperation and see how you can come to at least a win-not-lose solution.
5. Take your time: With urgent problems, it’s common for negotiators to push for a quick fix to alleviate the stress. But the flawless plan you negotiate today may not work for you three years from now. (Isn’t that why you’re at the renegotiation table in the first place?) Take the time to consider negotiating shorter-term deals that will allow for natural breaks for renegotiation. Both parties can come back to the negotiation table and discuss what works for their businesses after the short contract concludes.

Whether you want to renegotiate because your original plan has unintended consequences, or you just want to see if you can get more out of your deal, keeping the above tips in mind will help your renegotiation plan succeed.

The Chinese general and military strategist Sun Tzu famously wrote that the “supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” Using empathy at the negotiation table is the modern-day embodiment of this strategy. 

A fundamental human need is to feel accepted, validated, and understood by others. This reality means that negotiation strategy is really about psychology. To get from Point A to Point B, the skilled negotiator must exploit psychological principles – and this means empathy must play a role.

Many negotiators view empathy and sympathy interchangeably, and dismiss both as weak. Don’t confuse empathy with sympathy! The difference is subtle but critical. Listen for the difference:

• Sympathy: “I understand how you feel. I feel terrible for you.”
• Empathy: “I understand how you feel, and I understand why you feel that way.”

What’s the difference? Merriam-Webster defines sympathy as the “inclination to think or feel alike,” a “feeling of loyalty,” and the “tendency to favor or support” – in essence, agreement. Sympathy almost never has a place at the negotiation table. In the negotiation of a business deal or at settlement discussions, few clients would want to hear their lawyer say to their adversary, “I get it – I agree it’s terrible what you went through. So here’s the check you asked for.” The sympathetic negotiator may not be much of a negotiator.

But the empathetic negotiator approaches things differently. Consider the Merriam-Webster definition of empathy: “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings thoughts, and experience of another.” The use of “vicariously” is critical here: unlike the sympathetic negotiator, the empathetic negotiator understands her adversary’s position, but doesn’t actually experience it or necessarily agree with it. Instead, she uses empathy to let the adversary know that she hears and understands him. By tuning into her adversary’s emotions instead of just the words, the empathetic negotiator shows that she “gets it,” which helps the adversary open up and share additional information that the empathetic negotiator can use to her advantage. Think, “I get it – I understand why you feel that way. So what if we…”

Think how much more effective a negotiator you can be if you understand what’s important to your opponent and the factors that got him there. Rather than taking a shot in the dark about what might work or keeping the focus solely on you (or your client), when you understand your adversary and use his own views to shape the conversation, you can strategize around that and go a lot further, a lot faster. 

Too many negotiators are hell-bent on appearing authoritative, unflinching – like the “tough guy,” willfully ignorant of the forces shaping the other side. But that’s an incredibly weak negotiation strategy. Using empathy as a tool to make your adversary keep talking and feel comfortable is key to letting the other side get what you want.

When it comes to negotiation, sometimes you have to just walk away.

When a negotiation is going well, and you and your adversary have reached a win-win (or at least a win-not lose) deal, it’s obvious when to stop negotiating. But when a negotiation turns tense or difficult, how do you know when to push through and keep going, or stop and move on? Here are some signs it’s time to call it quits.

1. “It’s just not fair!”

It’s human nature for negotiators to determine their preferred outcome, then justify it based on fairness. A recent blog post from the Harvard Law School Program on Negotiation gives a great example: the Winklevoss twins’ case of “settler’s remorse” after receiving a $65 million settlement from Facebook. Arguing that Facebook had cheated them out of hundreds of millions of dollars, the twins waged an expensive and time-consuming battle based on dubious legal grounds to undo the settlement, claiming to be motivated not by money but by fairness.

The alleged pursuit of fairness can be a slippery slope. As the Harvard blog points out, say you’re splitting up with your business partner. Of course, you feel that you deserve a bigger slice of the pie, because you invested more money. But your partner feels that she deserves a bigger slice – because she invested more time. Our natural egocentrism can destroy a negotiation. If the negotiation has hit a wall because you or your adversary are claiming unfairness, take a step back. Ask a colleague or mentor for an objective reality check. It may be time to consider your opponent’s perspective more carefully – or move on.

2. You’re negotiating with the devil (or so you think).

Disputes can drag out over long periods of time – lasting months or even years. With each passing day, frustrations rise, impatience grows, and it becomes easier for the parties to stop seeing the humanity in each other and instead start to demonize each other. Ask yourself honestly: are you continuing to fight it out because you think you can get a better outcome, or because you want to stick it to your opponent? There’s tenacity, and then there’s obsession. In this situation, it may be helpful to ask a trusted advisor or colleague for an honest assessment about whether this fight it still worth pursuing.

3. No one’s budging.

Sometimes in a tense negotiation, no matter how much you prepared beforehand or how carefully you’ve determined your BATNA, a deadlock occurs and the parties simply cannot reach an agreement. When this happens, take some time to reconsider your own position and make sure you are actively listening to the other side’s concerns. (See some other tips here.) The deadlock may be a temporary setback that can be overcome. Still no movement? It may be time to walk away.

These difficult scenarios demonstrate why success in negotiation depends so strongly on your understanding of the psychological principles at play across the table. You owe it to yourself to prepare thoroughly and to keep in mind that a final resolution might not occur in the first round of negotiations. Calling it quits is a last resort, not a first.

You’ve heard all about the importance of preparation, knowing your BATNA, active listening, and other critical tools to maximize your chances of success in any negotiation. But negotiators often overlook a vital aspect of deal-making that could make or break their success: the location.

If you think a conference room is just a conference room, think again. Location means far more than the pictures on the wall and the wood color of the table. Whether your exchange takes place in your own office, on your adversary’s property, or at a neutral site – and even if the location isn’t ultimately up to you – you can still take steps to gain an important advantage.

THE HOME TEAM ADVANTAGE

Just as most sports teams prefer to compete on their own turf, most negotiators probably prefer to compete in their own location. As the host, a negotiator can gain control over the negotiation before it even begins.

First, the host gets to select the room in which the conversation will take place. To many, this seems like a mindless task, but to a successful negotiator, room selection and setup requires consideration. The right location depends on what you’re trying to accomplish. Will the negotiation be relaxed and friendly, or perhaps more serious and competitive? From there, you must consider the features of your room, what mood they may elicit in your opponent, and alter them if needed.

The Décor: It’s unrealistic that you’d change the décor of a room each time you have a meeting, but depending on the mood you want to set, you can choose intelligently between your conference room, your own private office, or elsewhere. To set the stage for a friendly negotiation, choose a more homey space with cupboards or bookshelves; this setup can help relax your adversary and give the impression that you’re looking for a win-win outcome. Or are you looking to show your opponent that he or she is in for a tough debate? Choose a site with an “ego wall,” complete with your awards and framed newspaper clippings. This setup not only creates a competitive, almost intimidating atmosphere, but also showcases your confidence – and appearing confident might even help you gain you a greater level of respect and give you an easier time getting what you want.

The Seating Arrangements: Just like the room’s décor, the seating arrangements should differ based on your strategy. Trying to strike a friendly tone? Consider putting the seats closer together and more offset than directly head on. Setting up for a more formal meeting with multiple parties? Create distance between the chairs and set them more head on. The distance will lessen the chance of emotional reactions while the head-on direction helps establish a more competitive atmosphere.   

The Lighting: Insufficient lighting has been found to contribute to moodiness and depression, while bright lights can heighten emotions. A 2014 study found that people with access to natural light will have a greater sense of overall wellbeing than those without windows. Is your dark conference room stifling the discussion? Try switching to a different room with abundant natural light.

Drinks: Just as with lighting, research has shown that even the temperature of certain food and drinks can affect a person’s overall mood. Some researchers believe that the temperature of an object we hold in our hands impacts how we perceive the world around us at that moment. So if you have a tense negotiation on your hands, you may want to offer hot coffee instead of a cold soda.

SUCCEEDING AS THE AWAY TEAM

Being the “away team” at a negotiation can be intimidating – you are unsure what the negotiation environment will be, you will have fewer (if any) of your colleagues nearby, and the only resources at your disposal are those you brought with you. Nevertheless, many aspects of being the away team can give you a level-up on the competition.

Gather As Much Information As You Can: On site at your adversary’s business? Take advantage of the opportunity to look around for any clues that might help you negotiate. Perhaps the condition of equipment, number of employees, or other observations can be used to help you later.

Radiate Confidence: Remember, your competitor is in their comfort zone. You were willing to travel to their home. With that, you are showing confidence in your negotiation skills and position. Remind yourself that if you didn’t think you would triumph, you wouldn’t have wasted your time traveling.  

Limited Resources May Be a Good Thing: You should never show up to a negotiation ill-prepared, but as the visiting team, you can always buy time with the excuse that you don’t have certain information on hand. Take the position that your host has no just reasoning as to why he or she can’t explain a claim or back up a position with evidence – all the files are right there. Don’t be shy about pointing that out.

Just Move It: Maybe your competitor set up the room with his or her own comfort in mind, but who says you can’t change it? If you are uncomfortable with the seating arrangements in the negotiation room – the chairs are too far apart or there is a light shining in your eyes – just move your chair. You’ll get more comfortable and project confidence.

A NEUTRAL SETTING

Meeting at a neutral location? There are still steps you can take to steer things your way:

Background Noise: Are you expecting a challenging and lengthy negotiation? Consider a quiet setting such as a hotel conference room; a pause in conversation will be met with silence, which both conveys seriousness and could even prompt your adversary to keep talking to avoid awkwardness. Want to set a calmer tone and put your opponent at ease? Suggest a restaurant with a bit of background noise, which will allow for natural breaks in the negotiation.

The Impression: How important is this deal to you and your competitor? If this negotiation is key to your success, show that by suggesting an upscale environment.

The takeaway: if you haven’t adequately prepared for the negotiation or mastered the emotional principles at play at every negotiation table, the diplomas on the wall and the location of your chair won’t save you. But smart negotiators play up every advantage they can. As the saying in the real estate industry goes, “Location, location, location.” Don’t underestimate its importance in your next negotiation!